8 Myths About Anxiety in Children and Teens

The most frustrating aspect of raising a child with an anxiety disorder is the never-ending presence of misinformation related to the topic of anxiety.  It seems that no matter who you meet, whether it is personally or professionally, EVERYONE has an opinion, yet seldom does anyone have the facts. The myths about anxiety are incredibly varied, and often quite critical of those who suffer.  Whether you relate to these myths about anxiety as a parent or have no sense of what anxiety disorders are, knowing the facts opens your heart and mind for those who do suffer.  

Myth 1- Anxiety disorders in children and teens are rare.  

Sadly, anxiety disorders in children are common, and the number of children diagnosed continues to rise. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), 7.1% of children aged 3-17 years (approximately 4.4 million) have an anxiety disorder.  

Yes, you read that correctly.  That means that 7-8 out of 100 children have an anxiety disorder that has been diagnosed.  This does not factor in children who experience anxiety but have not been diagnosed with a disorder.   

Myth 2- Anxiety in children is a result of poor parenting.  

While parenting style and personality will always have an impact on all children, parents do not cause anxiety in their child.  Anxiety is a biological predisposition that lies within a child’s DNA. Not all children who are predisposed will develop anxiety, but those who do become anxious, do so due to a number of factors.   

I have two children, one with an anxiety disorder and one without.  Both of my children were raised in the same home, with the same parents, under nearly the same conditions.  My husband and I were not the cause of our daughter’s anxiety.  

It is important for parents to be aware of their role in raising a child with anxiety, but you should never feel that you are the cause of your child’s anxiety.  

Myth 3- A child can stop being anxious if he or she wants to.

Anxiety is not a rational thought that can be turned off.  No child or teen wants to be anxious, but without useful skills, anxiety will continue to course through their bodies creating continued feelings of anxiety.  

When someone is telling a child to “stop being anxious”, “calm down”, or “just relax”, he or she is making an assumption that this is a feeling that is easily turned off.  It simply does not work this way.  

No matter how irrational the thought or fear being expressed by the child, no amount of explanation from a parent or caregiver will be able to convince a child to turn off the anxiety. 

Myth 4- Anxiety means a child is weak and lazy.

Just the opposite.  Children and teens with anxiety are brave and hardworking.  Each day they wake up with their minds full of unpleasant thoughts and feelings.  It takes true courage to move through life feeling weighed down by scary, uncomfortable thoughts.  

Even when anxiety takes over, and a child or teen withdraws and avoids, weakness and laziness are not the reason for this behavior.  Mentally and physically, they are not able to move through their anxiety because they lack the skills and support they desperately need.  

Myth 5- Anxiety is a result of something bad happening to the child.

For some children and teens, anxiety is a result of a specific event or incident that lead to the anxiety they are experiencing.  A child who has a phobia of dogs may have encountered a scary incident with a dog at some point. Yet, a child with separation anxiety has most likely never had an event that lead to their fear of being away from their parent.  

In many cases, anxiety is a biological predisposition set in a child’s DNA that can be influenced by their environment`.  The varying types of anxiety are simply a part of who they are. With this said, like many disorders and illnesses, there are treatments available to manage the anxiety and allow the child to live a happy, successful life.  

Myth 6- Anxious children and teens are shy.

A child or teen dealing with anxiety, such as social anxiety, is full of self-doubt and uncertainty, making them unable to speak to others in certain situations.  These kids want to interact and talk to others but their anxiety is stopping them. This is not being shy, rather this is anxiety.  

Shyness is being comfortable and making the choice to avoid being social and spending time away from others.  A person who, by choice, decides not to interact with others or perform in front of others, and it comfortable with this decision would be considered shy.  

Many children and teens want to interact with their peers, confidently walk through the hallways of the school, attend events or activities, and much more, but their anxiety is holding them back.  

Myth 7- Anxiety looks the same.

Anxiety is as unique as the child or teen experiencing it.  For some children and teens anxiety may look like clinginess, crying, or hiding.  In others, it may show itself as anger, avoidance, or defiance. Some people experience physical symptoms such as shaking, upset stomach, rapid breathing, or increased heart rate, while others may not experience any physical symptoms.

It is important to always remember that while you also may suffer from anxiety, your child or teen may show their anxiety in completely different ways.

Even in the same child or teen, the reaction to anxiety may differ depending on the situation that is inducing the anxiety.  

Myth 8- Anxiety isn’t real, it is a child being dramatic.

Anxiety is very real, whether or not there is a diagnosed anxiety disorder.  The thoughts and feelings that come along with anxiety can be nearly paralyzing and create negative habitual cycles.  A child or teen will do almost anything to avoid anxiety-inducing situations, which is why it often looks like misbehaviors.  

Anxiety can appear dramatic as a child or teens tries to gain a sense of control during an experience that makes then uncomfortable.  They may boss people around, argue, complain, whine, or catastrophize when an anxiety-inducing situation arises. These are all ways that the child is attempting to avoid or move through the anxiety.  

When a child or teen complains about their physical symptoms, they are genuinely feeling them.  It is not in their head. Whether the situation calls for being anxious, if the fear is perceived to be real, then it is real to that child or teen, and the body reacts as it would for a real threat.  This leads to real feelings within the body. Similarly, as rational thought ceases during intense anxiety, the thoughts that the child or teen is experiencing are real to them at that moment.  

Importance of Debunking Myths About Anxiety

Being mindful of the truths of anxiety, as opposed to the widely believed myths, allows you to better understand and support a child or teen with anxiety when they need it most.  Many well-intentioned comments and ideas may actually hurt a child or teen with anxiety.  There is no perfect way in which to offer support to a child or teen in their weakest moments, but by knowing the reality of anxiety, you are one step closer to being helpful.