Covid Triggers a Return of Anxiety

COVID has wreaked havoc on everyone’s life in a variety of ways.  Most years, our family would have welcomed the need to work from home while our children attended school from home.  It would have made our life simpler and happier.  Instead of dreading each morning to get my daughter off to school, crying and scared, she could have walked to the kitchen table.

Unfortunately, COVID hit at a time when staying home all together was one of the worst things that could happen to us.  See, my 15-year-old daughter suffers from severe anxiety and OCD.  For years, the 9 month school year was hell as she struggled to get to school each day.  Prior to her freshman year of high school, she only attended 4th and 6th grades successfully.  Finally, as a freshman, all of her years of therapy and hard work had fallen into place.  She was in the best mental place she had ever been.   She actually loved going to school, she had great friends, worked hard on her academics, had a full social calendar filled with a variety of activities, and had little anxiety in her life.  In turn, our family was the happiest we had been in years.  Then COVID hit and the world shut down.  

For the first few weeks, our family of four enjoyed the slower pace of life but lived in fear of the virus.  We woke each day teaching and learning from home.  My son and daughter stayed in touch with friends via technology.  We had no idea at that point that our lockdown would continue for the length of time that it did.  After a few weeks, we noticed my daughter’s anxiety creeping back in.  

For my daughter, in order to keep her anxiety at bay, she has to challenge herself every day.  This means going to school, spending time with friends, trying new things, and staying busy.  The more that she does, the less the anxiety invades.  As she goes through each day, she is showing her anxiety that she is in charge.  The rituals and routine of daily life allow her to see that she can put herself out there and make it through whatever arises.  Being out of the house forces her to be independent.

However, during quarantine, she was in the safety of her house with just her parents and brother.  She was not challenged, did not have opportunities to meet new people or face challenges.  She was bored, missing school and her friends.  Over time, her “normal” was staying in and being complacent as opposed to going out and trying new things.  Once the lockdown was lifted, and she was able to venture out with friends, she was nearly paralyzed.  The anxiety came back because everything was “new” again.  What once came easily before COVID, now presented near debilitating anxiety once again.

Throughout the summer, she reconnected with friends and made new ones.  While she was happy to be out of the house and around friends, she was still restricted in her opportunities due to COVID.  In order to stay safe, she spent time with her friends outside rather than going to movies, bowling, or the mall.  She was also limited in the people that she interacted with.  While it was great that she was even able to be with friends during a pandemic, the lack of opportunities to go out and try new things really impeded her ability to push herself daily.  

As the new school year began, it was obvious that consistency was missing.  Her schedule fluctuated between hybrid and all in (five days a week).  This constant change of schedules made it difficult to create a routine at school and at home.  Along with the changing schedule, the peers she had in class and at lunch varied.  The school year is nearing the end of the first semester and there is no consistency insight given the ever-increasing numbers of COVID cases in our state.  

Given that she attends school only two to three times per week, has few interactions with friends outside of school, tending to socialize via social media, and being limited in the activities we do as a family, her anxiety continues to be higher than last year at this time.  She finds herself overthinking, questioning herself, and obsessing about the return of her anxiety.

As I look back on the past 8 months, I am filled with sadness as I know that COVID has led to many setbacks in her mental health.  She had worked so hard to get a healthy, confident place prior to the start of the pandemic.  However, I am hopeful that she walks away with a stronger sense of resiliency and gratitude for our family’s health and financial security.  

Someday, this pandemic will end and she will once again, use her determination to return to a place where she leaves the house without questioning her sense of safety, be able to expand the group of friends she spends time with, and spread her wings with spontaneous activities to enjoy life as a confident, fun loving teenager.