5 Hidden Benefits of Anxiety

Severe anxiety has gripped our family off and on for years, to the point that I was drowning in self-doubt, guilt, fear, and hopelessness.  In the midst of our lowest points, I could not see past what was happening minute by minute. At night, I would lay in bed trying to find sleep, but all I found were unanswered questions about our future.  As the days and months dragged on, I noticed that anxiety would start to loosen its grip. I could think without the fog of worry impeding every thought.

One day, I read an article written by a cancer survivor, talking about her journey and how she wouldn’t have changed anything about her life because cancer gave her a new perspective on life.  I was inspired by her words. Until that moment, I was constantly wishing that I could take away my daughter’s anxiety, begging for any higher power to make it disappear. Always asking “why us”. The cancer survivor’s article showed that a terrible experience could be used to lead a better, more accepting life. I thought, if she can do that, I can at least try. 

Could I find any hidden benefits of anxiety?  No begging, pleading, or hoping was going to take away my daughter’s anxiety. I knew in my heart that our family was doing all that we could for her. I began re-framing my thinking and realized that in the midst of everything awful we had been through, I was able to identify changes in our life that were in fact, very positive. Below are 5 benefits of anxiety that have improved our life because we have dealt with severe anxiety for so many years.  

Benefit of Anxiety #1- Less Judgmental

I would never have considered myself judgmental, but looking back, I realize I was often judging others on their parenting skills when I saw a child behaving in a certain manner.  I naively thought that when a child appeared to be “misbehaving” in public, it was simply a spoiled, ill-mannered child. How awful of me.

Suddenly, I was the parent with the child acting out…the child acting spoiled and bratty.  But my child was anything but bratty…she was suffering. She was overwhelmed and anxious, unable to express her needs. People were looking at me, presumably, how I used to look at others. Suddenly, it clicked. As parents, we have absolutely no idea what another family is going through moment to moment.  I have taken this approach with me at all times.

Benefit of Anxiety #2- Enjoy Small Moments

When life spirals out of control on a regular basis it can make parenting and adulting seem impossible.  The list of to-dos that need to be completed never ends and the continual thoughts of your children’s health and happiness swirl non-stop.  I focused on everything that was not getting done each day and all of the life events that my daughter was missing out on growing up. The stress, guilt, and anxiety built inside of me with each of these negative thoughts.

 One day in fourth grade, my daughter asked me to pull up in the school drop-off line and she was going to walk inside by herself. This had never happened before.  I cried as I kissed her goodbye and watched her walk to the school entrance.  At that moment, I realized small moments matter. I am sure no other parent even thought about the fact that their child was getting out of the car and walking into school without assistance or tears.

Realizing this allowed me to focus on small moments that mean a lot to our family…laughter, overcoming obstacles, or reaching a new goal.  I still have hopes and dreams that my daughter will eventually be attending school dances or participating in activities but until then I will enjoy a bright eyes smile, knowing that we went for months without one.

Benefit of Anxiety #3- Simplify Life

I would not consider myself high maintenance or materialistic but I definitely did not see myself renting a two-bedroom condo and working as a substitute teacher as I neared 40 years old.  However, life had other plans…mainly a whole lot of expensive medical bills and stress that makes functioning difficult.

Two and a half years ago we bought our “forever” house and spent 2 years making it our own.  I painted every surface, diligently shopped or created decor, met with contractors, and spent hours on the landscape. And yet, with all of that, I was miserable inside our “forever house”. I was miserable because we were always living paycheck to paycheck.  

We had accrued a lot of medical debt over the years, had outstanding student loans, and we’re paying a fortune in current medical bills. Our time off was spent working on the house or the 1-acre yard. We had a startling revelation one night that we could sell our house (for a nice profit), pay off all of our debt, and live in a much smaller home, allowing us to pay the current medical bills without adding any new debt.  

It was a tough decision, and I struggled with the pride of home ownership as opposed to renting, but we sold our house. We are now renting a two-bedroom condo and we could not be happier. We are able to make ends meet each month, our time is spent together relaxing rather than working on the house or the yard. I would never have imagined our current situation yet the simplicity of life has taken away an incredible amount of anxiety and fear.   My daughter told me the other day that even though she really thinks that it is wrong for a 13-year-old to share a room with her brother, she hopes we stay here because she is so happy. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Benefit of Anxiety #4- Kindness Matters

Many days last year I went into work still wiping away tears from school drop off.  The support I received from those closest allowed me to make it through the workday.    I have always been a kind person, but being on the receiving end of kindness adds a whole new level to my need to spread kindness whenever I can.  

Friends have brought us dinner, helped take care of our son during appointments with J, helped with my lesson planning when I taught and brought in small trinkets they thought J would enjoy.  Nothing was large or earth-shattering, but knowing that people care means so much in moments of darkness. I do my best to spread kindness each day…a smile, holding the door or asking if I can do anything to help.  As I mentioned above, every family can benefit from reaching out to one another.

Benefit of Anxiety #5- Vacations are Necessary

This may seem odd and frivolous seeing that I mentioned the need to live a simpler (less expensive) life, but I have found that getting out of the daily grind resets our mental health.  The daily struggles of everyday life get monotonous…same view, same food, same routine. Getting out of town changes everything. It allows us to focus on our new views, new activities, new opportunities.  

Our favorite place to visit is the beach. No matter how anxious J is, no matter how stressed my husband and I are, the beach allows us to sit and enjoy something brand new. We have new topics to discuss, new opportunities for play, and new chances to spend time together as a family.  We work really hard to save every penny, allowing us to get away when the opportunity arises. With a simpler life, we have prioritized vacations as a necessity rather than a splurge.

 

Just as the cancer survivor turned lemons into lemonade, I have chosen to focus on the positives in our life.  I cannot say that I am “glad” that we have been faced with severe anxiety, I am willing to admit that there are benefits of anxiety that may have gone unrecognized.  While I will always be searching for answers and happiness, I know that these 5 areas of my life are better because of our challenges and that I am a better person because of them.  I hope you all find the light in the dark moments. Let’s keep spreading kindness. Comment below on the kindest thing that has been done for you.