Anxiety in Children, What is Normal and When to Seek Help

Anxiety is becoming a buzzword in the parenting world.  While it is great that the topic of anxiety in children is getting discussed in everyday conversations, it is important to separate typical, everyday fears and worries from anxieties that become debilitating and interfere with daily life.  

Without fail, all children regardless of age and circumstance will encounter situations that lead to uncomfortable feelings.  Anxiety in children is typical and expected. Seldom will you meet a child who is truly free from fear. In order to best help your child handle these fear-inducing feelings, you must know the difference between typical anxieties and more severe worries.  Also, it is important to learn when and how to intervene in order to set your child up for confidence and independence. A parent’s response to their child’s fears will set the stage for how your child internalizes these feelings.

Why Children Experience Fear and Worry

Parents should expect anxiety in children to arise as part of their normal growth and development.  To a child, the world is full of new experiences that bring feelings of discomfort and questions of “what if”.  Without prior knowledge and experience, and weak reasoning skills, children turn to adults to help them navigate these new events full of uncertain thoughts and feelings.  

You will see below that children go through the following phases of typical childhood fears.  Use this information to evaluate what you are seeing in your child. If your child is showing signs of these fears during these ages, in most cases, your child will overcome these fears, then move on to another set of fears as they continue to grow.  With maturity, increased experiences, and enhanced reasoning skills, fears are often overcome within a short period of time.

Anxiety in Children: Typical Childhood Fears

Birth to Age 1	Loud noises, large objects nearby new people, separation from a caregiver
Ages 2-4	Large objects, animals, separation from a caregiver, the dark, unexpected changes in routines, monsters/imagination overload, sleeping alone, bathroom issues/toilet flushing
Ages 5-6	“Bad guys”, bugs, storms, the dark, getting hurt, monsters, separation of caregiver, the dark, medical visits/procedures
Ages 7-9	Death, getting hurt or sick, dark, storms, making friends, embarrassment at school
Ages 10-12	School performance, friends, physical appearance, death, growing up

In all of these situations, children turn to their caregivers to help them navigate through these feelings of fear.  It is the parent’s responsibility to help the child understand why their fear is unfounded while still respecting the realness of their feelings.  The way in which the parents react to their child’s fears at a young age set the stage for how a child handles similar feelings of unease as they continue to mature.  

When to Seek Outside Help for Anxiety in Children

Keep in mind that these are the most common fears seen in children during these stages. It does not mean that other fears signal an anxiety disorder.  Children are unique and can develop healthily while not falling into these same stages of fear. Anxiety becomes problematic when it interferes with daily life.  It should also be concerning if a child has heightened fears, not typically seen in children of their age or with the higher than expected intensity as compared to other children,  or lasting for longer than 6 months.

Signs of anxiety in children that may be considered high level would include:

Avoidance of situations in which other children of the same age engage in

Continued fears that other children have overcome

Excessive shyness

Fidgity, restless, nail chewing,

Set in a routine with same clothes, the order of getting ready for something, eats the same foods,

Controlling of others

High fear of germs or contamination

Keep in mind that children are predisposed to be more or less fearful than others.  Even in cases where a child is more fearful than others, it does not mean that the child has an anxiety disorder.  A child with high levels of fear may still be able to pass through the fearful feelings quickly and move on and enjoy life.

Quality of Life is Key Difference

The key to differentiating typical anxiety in children from a possible anxiety disorder is the impact that the anxiety has on the quality of life for the child.  Typical anxiety may impact moments within a child’s life but it does not impact their overall life. Without an anxiety disorder, a child is still able to attend school successfully once the separation between parent and child has occurred.  Similarly, a child may be upset during a thunderstorm while it is occurring but once the storm ends, the child is able to move on with their day.  For a child with an anxiety disorder, attending school becomes a daily battle while the thought of a thunderstorm swirls in their mind nearly all of the time.  

If you suspect that your child has more than the typical anxieties seen in children, reach out to a medical professional or therapists for further evaluation.  Anxiety is highly treatable with the right support.  And parents, make sure that you find help for yourself as well.  It is important that you are aware of how to best support your child.