Being Grateful Takes Practice

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that in order to achieve contentment, a person should “cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously.”   It took years of living life…dealing with hardships, getting knocked down, realizing life doesn’t go according to some well laid out plan…in order to grasp the realness of this idea presented by Emerson.  My profound statement would be, “Being grateful takes practice”.

Gratitude has been a buzzword off and on over the years.   I thought, “how am I supposed to be grateful when my life is tumbling down around me?”  My child is sick, (read about our journey with anxiety) our finances are strapped, I worry about what my son thinks of our life, I am not teaching like I want to be, and it goes on and on.  What in the world am I supposed to be grateful for????

The Day I Found Gratitude

Then one day it hit me.  J walked into the school from the car by herself.  I had tears in my eyes.  I was grateful…and it was something small!  It wasn’t a feeling of gratitude for my house that keeps me safe or that I have fresh drinking water (both of which I am very grateful to have in my life) rather it was a small detail that makes up what is my life.  At that moment, I looked around the school parking lot/drop off zone and thought about every other kid getting out of their car and walking into school.  I imagine that very few parents thought about that moment as anything special or exciting.  But for me, and my family, it was a moment of celebration.  A moment of profound gratitude.  I was so incredibly grateful that the therapy and effort put into J’s anxiety was working.  That day was a turning point…I began the practice of being grateful.

Now, 4 years after that morning drop off, I constantly remind myself that there are moments of gratitude even on the darkest days.  Many day to day activities are a luxury for families who struggle with anxiety.  While I wish we did not have to battle this beast, it does allow me to be more grateful than I would be if our family did not have these struggles. The warmth of J’s snuggles feels stronger.  The mental image of my children laughing and playing together is clearer.  The pride in J’s accomplishment of something that haunted her for months is brighter.

Why You Need Gratitude in Your Life

Extensive research has been done on the importance of gratitude, finding again and again that grateful people are happier and healthier.  For many of you reading this, circumstances in your life make happiness hard to come by as you are often simply trying to survive.  This “survival mode” often leads to neglecting your health as well.  However, taking a few minutes to focus on gratitude can actually provide the much-needed happiness that is missing in your life.  I realize that the happiness may seem small in the overall picture of your entire day, but a small dose is better than none.

Being grateful has been shown to provide a better night’s sleep, increased resilience, and more empathy towards others.  For me,  quality sleep is a must if I am going to make it through the next day.  Spending 5 minutes on intentional gratitude seems like a small price to pay for a better night’s sleep.

How to Become More Grateful

Once I realized that I genuinely felt better when I focused on a small moment that meant a lot to me, I began seeking out more opportunities to harness that feeling.  Each day before bed, I also committed to spending 5 minutes focusing on things that I was grateful for that day. Admittedly,  some days were harder than others to find moments of gratitude, but there is always something.  I tried to focus on moments and experiences with my family such as watching my son play football or seeing my daughter work through challenging homework.  On days where I just couldn’t pull something positive out, I thought about a soft blanket on my bed or the fact that I am able to brush my teeth two times each day.  Often, we take so many things for granted, that others are not as fortunate to experience.

Helping Your Kids Find Gratitude

I do not ever remember my parents mentioning the word “gratitude” yet I knew I was fortunate.  Over the past few years, as my children have gotten older, I began realizing that they did not see how lucky they were.  They took for granted a safe, warm home, two loving parents, a kitchen full of food, access to health care, and luxuries such as an abundance of technology and vacations.

I began discussing gratitude each night at dinner.  I asked them to name good things that happened to them at school, an item in the house they were happy to have, or an opportunity that provided them enjoyment.  We discussed how many children around the world were not as fortunate as they were.  It led to some eye-opening moments for my children.  It is something that I have continued over the years, although not every day.

As my daughter’s anxiety escalated over the past 18 months, I have talked with her extensively about how awful her anxiety is, but also of the importance of finding the good in her days rather than thinking of only the bad.  These discussions do pull her out of a funk and seem to lighten her load quite a bit.

Give Gratitude a Try

Life is short but the days are LONG, really LONG sometimes.  Too often I have thrown my hands up and silently screamed, “I quit”. Finding gratitude makes the LONG days seem slightly more manageable.  Hold tight to the small moments because together these small moments become big celebrations.

I challenge you…when you finish reading this, stop, and think of three small moments to be grateful for right now.  For me, I am grateful that I can hear my husband singing along to Chris Stapleton while he works.  I am grateful that my son is over at a friend’s house having fun.  I am grateful that the sun is shining and I can walk outside in the warmth with bare feet.