How To Find The Right Child Therapist For Anxiety

I will be honest…finding a great child therapist is like dating.  You have to spend a few hours with each one until you find the “right one”.  Don’t be discouraged by that thought though…there are ways to help narrow the field in the hopes of finding the best therapist as quickly as possible.  Find out how to find the right child therapist for anxiety.  

Our Experience With Child Therapists for Anxiety

Our family has bounced around from various child therapists for anxiety treatment over the years due to insurance changes and long-distance moves.  We have witnessed the benefits of finding the right child therapist and the utter frustrations, not to mention a waste of money that comes with a therapist that is not well suited for our needs.  Research shows that high-quality therapy is the most effective treatment for anxiety. Seldom will medication alone help a child manage and work through intense anxiety.  Medication has a place in a treatment plan but should not be the sole technique for managing anxiety.  

The right therapy for child anxiety has changed my daughter’s life and in turn our family’s life.  My biggest mistake in parenting a child with anxiety was thinking that when my daughter showed very little signs of anxiety, she no longer needed therapy.  We naively thought she was “cured” and no longer needed the help of a therapist. WRONG! Over time, anxiety slowly crept back in, and as her anxiety grew, we no longer had the continual support of a known and supportive child therapist.  

In March 2018, after hitting rock bottom, we once again found another amazing therapist, who over the course of the past 9 months, has pulled my daughter out of the depths of despair, allowing her to manage her anxiety to the point where she can live life.  In addition to helping my daughter, she was the first therapist who encouraged me to seek help for myself and our family. It has been life-changing. I have no regrets looking back, knowing I did the best that I could, but I wish I could go back and have had this therapist in our life for the past 8 years.  

Knowing that therapy will always be a part of our life, my husband and I have had to make huge financial adjustments.  Our insurance does not cover the therapy that costs us $130 per hour, once per week. (In the beginning, she was attending two hours per week.)  I say this to show that finding the right treatment is extremely expensive and taxing on families but I believe that my daughter’s health and happiness is priceless.  We make incredible sacrifices in other areas of our lives to make this work.

 

Types of Therapy For Child Anxiety

Before we delve into ways to find a mental health counselor to help your child and your family deal with intense anxiety, let me highlight the most popular forms of therapy for children with anxiety.  There is extensive research available of each type of therapy, allowing you to dig deeper into the information I will present below.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most effective treatment for reducing symptoms and managing anxiety.  The idea behind CBT is to focus on changing the negative behavior and replacing it with positive actions and thoughts.  Anxious children will be taught skills and techniques to reduce anxiety, learn how thoughts can causing feelings and moods, and identify harmful thought patterns.  Once a therapist helps a child recognize these areas, the child learns to replace their anxious thoughts and actions with more appropriate feelings and behaviors. CBT therapists provide skills that anxious children learn to use in real life.  

Exposure Therapy

Exposure Therapy is a form of CBT that digs deeper, attempting to find the root cause of the anxiety.  For children who have a specific fear or phobia, such as vomiting, bees, crowds, or of being alone, exposures are presented to help manage the anxiety in those situations.  The exposures start very small and gradually increase in intensity as a child is able to use CBT skills to manage the anxiety. The idea is that the child is “exposed” to the anxious trigger in a safe, supportive environment.  Through that support, using learned techniques, a child builds confidence in themselves to handle the “phobia” until anxiety is no longer associated with that specific situation.

Child and Family Therapy

Family Therapy is intended to include the patient as well as other family members.  This type of therapy should be guided to the needs of the specific family and child.  It often includes a mix of CBT/Exposure Therapy and more traditional talk therapy, which is support based as opposed to action-oriented.  Personally, we have attended family therapy as a family of 4, just my son and daughter together, or just my husband and I with the counselor.  It really depends on what it happening at the time. I cannot express the importance of being a team in your child’s treatment.

There are varying opinions on whether the same therapist can provide the CBT to the child and family therapy to the family.  Some offices prefer to keep these separate, while others will allow the therapists to do both forms. I prefer the same therapist for all of our needs, as I believe this allows one person to really get to know our family and our needs in depth.

Play Therapy

Play therapy is usually intended for young children who are not developmentally ready to learn specific techniques or are unable to identify specific feelings or thought.  This type of therapy involves the use of toys, blocks, dolls, puppets, drawings, and games to help the child recognize, identify, and verbalize feelings. In these sessions, a therapist plays with the child to gain a sense of what they are thinking and feeling.  Children often express themselves through play, allowing therapists to witness their inner thoughts and feelings. Therapists are able to play along and talk to gain a better understanding of the child’s needs.

Biofeedback and EMDR

Two other forms of therapy that have been used, although there is mixed research of their success, are biofeedback and EMDR.  

 

Finding a Child Therapist For Anxiety

The idea of finding a therapist can be overwhelming.  Adding to the burden, many child therapists and child psychiatrists have incredibly long wait lists.  I suggest you get on the wait list for large hospitals and mental health centers while continuing to search for assistance at a smaller facility or private clinic.  

There are so many types of therapy and a lot of people providing it. Psychiatrists and psychiatric nurse practitioners can prescribe medication. I have never met a psychiatrist who provides therapy, often just asking questions and evaluating.  Psychologists, social workers, and counselors not able to provide mediation, rather they provide the therapy.

 

Where To Look To Find A Child Therapist for Anxiety

• My first recommendation would be to ask around.  Start talking to people and asking about therapists in your area that come recommended from personal experience.  Our current therapist, whom we adore, was recommended by a co-worker.  Be honest and share your story and your need to find a therapist.  You will be amazed at the number of people who seek therapy for themselves or their family members.  
• Seek out the nearest Children’s Hospital in your area.  If you read about our journey we drove 3 hours round trip, 3 days per week, for 7 weeks for treatment at Colorado’s Children’s Hospital when my daughter was 7 years old.  It was an extreme time in our life but provided incredible relief for my daughter’s anxiety. Most children’s hospitals have a behavioral health department that provides a variety of treatment options for anxiety.  The benefit of these locations is they are used to intense anxiety, often accept insurance, and provide therapy and medication in one location.
• Check with your current medical insurance company for in-network therapists.  The insurance company should have a list on their website.  (Many therapists do not accept insurance because they do not like insurance companies to have a say in the type of treatment they provide.)  
•  Ask the school counselors for a list of local therapists in the area.  
• Refer to adaa.org (Anxiety and Depression Association of America) provide a list of providers in certain areas.  

It is important to remember that if your child has severe anxiety, you may need to make extreme decisions in order to provide your child with effective treatment.  Think about the long-term positive effects on your child’s health for short-term disruptions of life.

Questions To Ask When Deciding To Schedule An Initial Appointment

When you begin looking for a therapist, here are helpful questions in deciding whether or not to schedule a first-time appointment,

• What training and experience do you have in treating anxiety disorders?  Do you have experience with children? With this specific phobia?
• Are you qualified to provide cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)?  Exposure Therapy? Play Therapy?
• What is your basic approach to treatment?  How do you start and where do you go?
  
• How frequent are treatment sessions and how long do they last?
• Do you include family members in therapy?
• What is your fee schedule, and do you have a sliding scale for varying financial circumstances?
• What kinds of health insurance do you accept?

Questions To Ask Yourself When You Think You Found “The One”

As I mentioned, finding a child therapist is a bit like dating.  You must find someone who “gets it”…who understands your child and your family.  I cannot stress enough that simply because a counselor has an understanding of anxiety means that they are fit to work with your child.  

Anxiety is such a broad health concern, with a variety of symptoms and reactions. I have known within the initial visit that a therapist wasn’t right for us.  Other times, we went to a therapist a handful of times before I knew that we were not in the right place.  Similarly, I knew on the first visit that we found “the one” as well.  Listen to your gut but be open-minded enough to give things a try. Ask yourself these questions to gain a better understanding of whether the therapist that you met with will be a good fit for your child.

• Does the therapist give the impression that forming a positive relationship or bond with your child is important?
• Does the therapist see your child’s behavior as a reaction to a problem rather than just a label or something that is wrong with your child?
• Does the therapist seek to see your child’s strengths?
• Does the therapist want to include you and your family in the process of your child’s treatment?
• Does the therapist promise to protect your child’s privacy?  (They should!)
• Does the therapist promise to cure or fix your child?  (They shouldn’t!)

Typically, the first session is a “getting to know you” type meeting.  I encourage parents to go without your child the first time, allowing you to be open and honest about your child’s needs.  It is equally important that a child is allowed to express their concerns and hopes for therapy.

If your child has a hard time separating, it should be encouraged that the child and parent stay together for the therapy sessions until the child is comfortable being alone with the therapist.  It does take several sessions for a therapist to get to know your child and begin treating him or her specifically. In the beginning, treatment is more about building a relationship and discussing anxiety in general terms.

Over time, the treatment provided by the therapist should be more specific to your child and his or her anxieties.  Many therapists will provide “homework” for the child or family to practice, using skills learned during the therapy sessions.  Therapists may also be willing to work with the school, providing his or her expertise to the school allowing more success for the anxious child.  If your child sees a psych for medication, it is important that the doctor and therapist communicate as needed as well.

 

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I hope this is a starting point for your family.  Please reach out with any other questions.

 

*As always, anxiety is unique to each child, therefore, what works for one child may not work for another.  Additionally, I am in no way offering any medical advice in this article. Always seek medical help from a professional before deciding on any type of child therapy or medication for you or your child.