Dear Sweet (13-year-old) Baby Girl,
I so often look at you and ask why? Why were you chosen to battle this beast of anxiety that hijacks you so quickly and frequently? Why was this enormous burden placed on your young shoulders? Why does your infectious laugh and kind heart get trampled by sadness and insecurities? Sadly, I will never have these answers. Daily, I wish that this cruel illness was miraculously removed from your life, but nothing is ever that simple.
You are stronger and more courageous than people 10 times your age. In your young life, you have worked harder than most people work in a lifetime. We sit today at your 13th Thanksgiving and I hear your laugh echoing through the house, see your smile reigning over the table, and feel the warmth of your hug around my neck. I am reminded that you are on the verge of greatness. You have battled and cried while I have begged and pleaded that this all end more times than I can count. But our desperate wishes were not answered.
Six months ago, you hit the lowest of lows, a true rock bottom. Through a dedicated treatment plan and your perseverance, today you are once again finding joy in your life. You are like a butterfly. Until recently, you were wrapped in a cocoon of anxiety, unable to free yourself from the darkness. Slowly, you have emerged, your wings still wet, unable to fly freely. Each day, your wings become drier, allowing you to gain freedom from anxiety. I can finally picture a future where you spread your colorful, unique wings and soar to whatever adventure you chose.
Each person’s path in life is seldom straight…and your ’s often looked like a roller coaster full of ups, downs, and loopy loops. Definitely not an ideal path to follow for a young girl. Moving forward on your path, while it will never be straight (how boring would that be), it will be navigable. I can confidently say that you will fight whatever demons you encounter head-on. All the goodness that finds you along the well is well-deserved.
Anxiety will always creep in and out of your life, but will no longer be the enemy. You have the tools and confidence to see your way through the bleak moments. Your family will always be here offering patience, love, and time. You will no longer be a slave to anxiety, rather a triumphant winner flying around making the world a better place.
I am proud to be your mom. You are everything I had hoped for in a daughter…kind, funny, loving, intelligent, and unique. Life is brighter and louder with you in it. I love you more than words! Never let anxiety define you, never give up, and never for one moment, think you are not capable of greatness. Find joy each day and soar!!!!!!!
With Love,
Mama
learningisawayoflife says
This is so sweet!
I love this.
Colleen says
Thank you.
atripwithaview says
This is beautiful. My 12 year old niece is battling severe anxiety and it is a constant struggle for my sister and niece. Do you have any books on the subject that you would recommend?
Colleen says
Thanks for the support. I am sorry your niece suffers. I honestly have not found any books that I have found more helpful than a therapist. One of the better ones is Helping Your Anxious Child by Ronald Rapee or Freeing Your Child From Anxiety by Tamar Chansky. I really like books by Brene Brown as well..these are more parenting and family related. Hope these help.
Jessica Lyles, LMSW says
Anxiety has a inconveniently tricky way of popping up whenever it wants and I’m so glad your daughter has gotten to a point where she knows how to manage it& not worry to much about it!
Colleen says
It sure is inconvenient. She has made so much progress with great therapy.
Despite Pain says
Hi, I hope that your daughter can always find ways of coping. It is so sad when young people go through these problems. So so sad. It’s not easy for you either to see her like this. Sending a hug.
Colleen says
Ahhhh….thank you. It is so sad but these children can learn to survive and thrive!
Jen says
This is a beautiful letter, and I am so happy for you and your daughter. I hope that her path is truly more free of this terrible illness as the years go by. This is my life with our 14 year old daughter. And, it is describes very nearly exactly my emotions. We have not reached the point that you describe, but I hope that we will one day. The pain is difficult to bear- but we try- as I know you do. Thank you for this blog. It helps.
Colleen says
Thank you. My daughter is far from where I hope she gets but so much better than she was. I remain optimistic for our future and for your family’s.