The word soulmate conjures up whimsical images of a love too good to be true or giddy girls swooning over a man. In romcoms, the woman’s foot, once firmly planted on the ground, kicks up when she kisses her soulmate for the first time. In Hotel Transylvania, Mavis feels the “zing” when her soulmate arrives at the hotel. Cosmo magazine has new quizzes each month in the hopes of helping readers decide whether their current romance is their soulmate. Yet the definition of soulmate is anything but glamorous. Simply put, a soulmate is, “someone ideally suited for you”. How boring and plain.
When my husband and I married at 23, I knew we were “ideally” suited for each other or I would never have committed to spending my life with him. At the time, I found our relationship ideal…we enjoyed each other’s company, we laughed together, and at one another, we had the same hopes and dreams for the future, I felt safe and happy with him, and he was pretty damn attractive. To me, that was love, and that seemed enough to make a lifetime commitment to this incredible man.
As a newly married woman, I assumed our relationship would remain strong as we grew together but the odds were stacked against us. We married young, had children young, came from families of divorced parents, are raising a child with special needs, and have struggled financially (as evidenced from raising a special needs child). While life is far from the picture we created in our minds 16 years ago, I no longer have to assume that we will have a long, loving marriage. I know that we do! Experiences, positive and negative, have shown me the truth of his character, the depth of our love, and the realist version of a soulmate.
After 16 years of marriage, I know we are far more than “ideal” for one another. There is no question that my husband is my soulmate…the one who gets me, has my back, loves me without reservation, and accepts me as the perfectly imperfect work in progress that I am. I am far more confident in our relationship today, then I was 18 years ago when he asked me to be his wife. Of course, I loved him then, but it is through the trials of everyday life where I have witnessed the connection that feeds our love. The vows we spoke committed us to one another in ways I couldn’t imagine as a carefree 23 year old. At 39, having lived life, I was shown what saying a vow to one another really means. He proved he would be there for me when I needed him most, supported me through career changes, and simply held me while I cried for hours as I felt utterly helpless as a mother watching my child suffer.
It isn’t just the big moments that have secured my belief in having a soulmate, the small moments are just as important. I did not kick up a heel when we kissed for the first time, feel a zing when laying eyes on him for the first time, or ace a quiz in Cosmo, yet I am certain that my husband is my soulmate and this is why:
Whenever we drive past a junkyard full of broken-down cars, we break out in “The Boys are Back” from High School Musical.
We know that in order to stay married we cannot be in the same room as one another when assembling Ikea furniture.
He loves to shop on the weekends and I make sure that we are home in time for football games.
We have an equal hatred for pet names. I cannot imagine the look he would give me if I got his attention by batting my eyes and calling him “pumpkin”.
Both of us have skin that crawls when couples refer to one another as “My Man” or “My Woman”. Seriously, I am not his woman.
He allows me to put my cold toes on him in bed as long as I rub his back while my toes warm up. (Sounds like a win-win situation to me.)
I support his Keto Diet Lifestyle by preparing foods that allow him to sustain his health, all while continuing to shove my face full of carb heavy foods.
We share an equal disdain for Spanx… Me because of their discomfort when wearing and my husband for the trauma he witnessed as I tried to wiggle into them.
As the humidity rises, he is quick to remind me to tame my thin blonde locks before I look like a cotton ball, while I am quick to point out each new gray hair that pops out on his receding hairline. (The truth is I LOVE gray hair, although his will fall out long before he looks like Anderson Cooper.)
He respects the love and admiration (and possible crush) I have for Peyton Manning, knowing that as soon as Peyton knows I exist, my husband may never see me again. (For anyone without a sense of humor, that is sarcasm.)
I equally respect his admiration for Jennifer Garner…I mean if my husband is going to have a celebrity crush, she is a darn good one.
In all seriousness, a happy, successful marriage was a dream of mine since I was a little girl. I knew I wanted to grow old with someone and have a home where my children did not have to go back and forth between their parents. There are a million valid reasons for divorce, and I do not think poorly of anyone who finds themselves in that situation. Due to the difficulty of creating and sustaining a happy marriage, I realize how fortunate I am. Raising a special needs child truly can make or break a relationship. For us, it strengthened what we already had. Without him, I do not know how I would manage the day to day nightmare that was our life for 18 months. Each day, as I find the small moments of gratitude, I take a moment to acknowledge the biggest gift I have been given. My husband! He makes me laugh, comforts me in times of need, and puts me in my place when I need it. I do not only love my husband, I genuinely enjoy my time with him. He is my soulmate!
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