Overcoming Child Anxiety and School Refusal- A Success Story

This update on my daughter’s progress with managing her anxiety, both at home and at school, is full of celebration and hope. It has taken me far longer to write this than I imagined. Each time I sit down to share what has transpired over the past 6 months, I begin to question whether or not others in similar situations will resent the progress my daughter has made. I know what it feels like to see other children and families succeeding, while your day to day life is a living hell. Yet, at the same time, I know the importance of needing to hear success stories to hold onto in the darkest moments.

Before I begin, please know that no matter where you are on the journey of child anxiety and/or school refusal, you are not alone. While no two stories are the same, our family has experienced rock bottom, and sadly sat there for far too long. If you are new to our journey, be sure to read the whole story here at https://goodbyeanxietyhellojoy.com/child-anxiety/.  Once you read this story, there are several other personal stories shared within that tab on the blog.

As a quick recap, my daughter, now 14 years old, has been diagnosed with GAD, separation anxiety, and OCD, which often presents itself as emetophobia. At its worst, school refusal happened on a daily basis, she stopped eating for periods of time, she refused to leave the house, wasn’t sleeping well, could not be anywhere except next to me even when I showered and went to the bathroom, and so on. She has only attended 4th grade and 6th grade successfully. She is now a freshman in high school. While she was physically present in the school building for many of the unsuccessful years, she was not attending classes. Needless to say, this lead to significant delays in her academic skills. It also kept her from experiencing and establishing peer relationships.

She has been to more therapists than I can count, each time trying to find the right fit to help my daughter manage this beast. In addition to therapy, she has tried countless prescription medications and natural supplements to aid in anxiety management. As a family, I had to put my teaching career on hold, we sold our house to pay for medical care, and we all suffer mentally from the toll that life has taken on us.

In March 2018, (during Julia’s 7th-grade year) we found a therapist who changed our life. The first day I met her, I sat sobbing that I had no hope that my bright-eyed, happy girl would ever emerge from the cloud of anxiety. I was utterly hopeless…which is a scary place to be. With her support and guidance, she taught Julia the skills needed to manage her anxiety. She encouraged my husband and me to parent in ways that support Julia’s anxiety management. She worked with us and the school in educating them on how best to support Julia. There is no doubt in my mind, that the successful outcome we enjoy today is due to finding the right therapist, and our perseverance as parents to never give up no matter the cost!

Julia made slow, steady progress throughout 2018 and into 2019. While she did not attend 8th-grade full time, she progressed to attending classes on a regular basis by the end of her 8th-grade year. As the summer before her freshman year of high school approached, my anxieties raced daily as I had no idea what would happen as she entered high school.

Throughout the summer, her anxiety lessened. It could still be seen by those of us close to her in various situations, but it was not impeding her day to day life, which was amazing. As a family, the summer of 2019 was the best time of our life! We had bumps to cross but nothing that we could not handle. It was over the summer that she really solidified her friendship with a group of three other girls. For the first time in her life, she had a busy social calendar!

As the school year approached, she told us that she wanted to attend school all day. We met with the special education team to create a schedule that fit her needs. Since the first day of school on August 15, 2019, she has attended school as a “typical student”. She shows very few signs of anxiety, as she attends her classes for their entire period, participates in class discussions, completes her work, attends extracurricular events, and once again has a busy social calendar.

My heart no longer drops each time I receive a text message during the school day. In the past, each incoming text “ding” meant Julia’s anxiety was spiraling and I would need to talk her down in an attempt to get her to stay at school and attend class.  She still sends me a few texts a week, seeking support for some anxiety, but those are manageable and allow life to continue as expected.

As I share all of this good news, there is a part of my brain reminding me how quickly all of this success could disappear. I am comforted by two things: First, my daughter and our family now have the skills and knowledge to combat anxiety in a healthy productive way. Prior to meeting our current therapist, we all lacked this necessary skills for success. Second, we have experienced the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I know that even if anxiety causes my daughter to spiral down an ugly tunnel, there is alway light and a way back up. She has proven that once, so she can do it again.

I continue to take nothing for granted. Every small moment, that easily seems mundane in the life of most parents, is precious to me.

Two weeks ago, we went shopping for a Homecoming dress…a milestone I honestly did not believe would ever happen. This past January, I shared a heartfelt post wondering if Julia would ever get to experience typical high school events.

I embrace my role as an Uber driver, fulfilling her social obligations, smiling each time she leaves me and walks away with a friend. For years, I cried nightly as she sat at home while friends her age were smiling on social media.

Typically my husband takes my children to school each morning, as he works in the same building. On Friday, I dropped her off. I couldn’t believe the emotions swirling as she hopped out of the car and waved goodbye, without even asking for the slightest reassurance.

Each day that I walk into work, I am incredibly grateful that I once again get to feed my passion for teaching. I desperately missed this part of life when I took a leave of absence to focus on my daughter’s health.

If you are a parent reading this, suffering just like I was, please, never give up. It is so hard to believe in the future and to fight through the daily challenges, but anxiety can be managed. It is not easy. We gave up nearly everything to focus on my daughter’s health. It must be your priority and sacrifices must be made. Having a healthy child who laughs freely is priceless, and while the financial burdens may be high, you will not regret it.

If you are a parent who has experienced success like ours, I hope you always remain grateful. Share your stories with others while offering support and kindness to those who need it most.