Ways To Improve Sleep Anxiety in Children

Ahhh…it is almost that time of day where your sweet child will snuggle into bed and fall fast asleep.  Their angelic face will smile back at your with closed eyes as you check on them 5 minutes later. Finally, time for you to enjoy some quiet, alone time.  Wait, this doesn’t sound familiar to you? Not to me either…who I am kidding.

For many parents with an anxious child, bedtime is just the start to a whole new set of worries.  Bedtime anxiety in children is a common problem for already anxious children.  However, sleep anxiety in children can arise even when daily anxiety may not be present in other areas of their life.  These tips will help parents and children manage sleep anxiety, allowing a smooth transition into sleep.

 

Create a Pre-Bedtime Routine to Reduce Sleep Anxiety in Children

Create a pre-bedtime routine that children can come to expect each evening.  As with all types of anxiety, consistency and structure are key to lessening anxiety in both children and adults.  It is important that children of all ages know what to expect prior to heading off to bed. Each family will need to create a routine that fits their family dynamics.

 No matter how you schedule your routine, all areas should include only activities that are calming and lead to stress and anxiety reduction. Baths are often a part of this pre-bedtime routine but if your child is agitated by baths, do not include this common task in your routine.  Here are some ideas to include in your pre-bedtime routine for reducing sleep anxiety in children.

 

• Bath or shower- For many young children, baths are a time of fun and play.  Adding essential oils like lavender, along with Epsom salt, can help add an element of anxiety reduction to the enjoyable event.  For older children, showers can be a time of relaxation. Think of adding enjoyable scents to body washes and shampoos. Suggest that your child or teen play their favorite music in the bathroom while they shower.

 

• Have children change out of their day clothes and into comfortable pajamas or night clothes that help relax and lead to a sense of calm.  

 

• If your child often asks for snacks or drinks during their bedtime, create time for a bedtime snack prior to going to bed.  Make this a quiet time to sit together, eat, and wind day from the day while talking about light-hearted topics.

 

• Storytime- Children of all ages can enjoy a story read aloud while snuggling on the couch or in bed.  Chapters books are a great way to enhance excitement over this time of day as they look forward to hearing about what happens next.  For some children, they prefer listening to a familiar story night after night. Older children and teens may enjoy reading quietly to themselves or listening to an audible version while they settle into bed.  This list shares 56 of the best bedtime stories ever.  

 

• Create a signal or word that shows your child bedtime will happen in a specific amount of minutes.  This clues them into the end of the evening and bedtime has arrived. It helps them prepare for bedtime.  By sticking to this each night, the goal is to end negotiations and arguments over the fact that bedtime has arrived.

 

Discovering the Cause of Bedtime Anxiety

Here comes the tricky part.  You have created a pre-bedtime routine and followed it daily.  Your child responds well to the plan and their anxiety seems low during this time.  Now that bedtime has officially arrived, though, the anxiety is out in full force. As always, let your child know that they are experiencing anxiety and that the feelings are real.  Remind them that anxieties do not mean that what they fear is real. Depending on your child, it is extremely important to discover the cause of their fear…are they afraid of the dark, bad guys, being away from you, death, etc.  Knowing the anxiety, allows you to put a plan in place to help alleviate the nighttime anxieties.

 

Once you have identified the cause of the anxiety, create a plan that helps your child gain a better perspective on the situation.  For separation anxiety, talk about how close your bedrooms are to one another, that you will check on your child, or that they can sleep with something special that reminds them of you.  For children worried about burglars, show your child the safety features of your home as well as educating them about the reality of home invasions. This style “talks back” to the anxiety and “proves” why the anxiety isn’t worth being afraid of.  

 

 

Reality Versus “Self-Help” Books Regarding Kids with Night Time Anxiety

Here is where my opinion differs from those you will find in most “self-help” books.  I firmly believe that quality sleep is a must for me as a parent and for my child. In order for me to make it through the stress of the next day, I must get enough sleep.  The same with my child. Her anxiety is always worse when she is tired. In order to get enough sleep, while battling nighttime anxieties, I will advocate a “pick your battles approach”.

 The ultimate goal will always be that my child learns to fall asleep on her own each night in her own bed, with the ability to put herself back to sleep if she wakes during the night. There are many opinions about sleeping with your child.  For me, it has always been about getting quality sleep. I cannot sleep well with my child in my bed, therefore, I have not allowed my children to sleep in my bed.

 

Real Life “Compromises” for Less Anxious Bed Times

Slowly Reducing the Amount of Time Spent in Bed with Your Child

I would go to bed with my child in her bed.  In the beginning, I would stay in her bed with her until she fell asleep.  Once she fell asleep, I would sneak out. If she wakes at night, I would go back to her bed and stay with her until she was asleep once again.  This idea worked from the aspect that she was sleeping in her own bed. As time went on, I would begin leaving when she was nearly asleep and then check on her in 2 minutes, 5 minutes, or 10 minutes depending on how long we had been working on this goal.  This worked very well, although we did this very slowly over time. It did lead to her going to sleep independently both at bedtime and if she woke at night. We still use this method as needed depending on the ebb and flow of anxiety.  This process helps children gain confidence in themselves to manage their anxiety.  

 

A mattress on Our Bedroom Floor

When my daughter’s anxiety was at an all-time of high, and I was beyond exhausted, I chose to keep a mattress on my bedroom floor next to my side of the bed.  Each night, we would try to get her to sleep her in own bed but when that failed and we all needed sleep, she would sleep on our bedroom floor. While this was far from ideal, it did allow us to get needed sleep and she was not in bed with us.  Over time, she was able to move into the above-suggested “plan” where I laid with her and left with intervals of checking on her as needed. During this time, we would keep the mattress on the floor ready in case she woke during the night, allowing both her and I to return quickly to sleep rather than going into her room and working on her independent sleep.  

 

Additional Ideas to Help a Child Approach Bedtime with Less Anxiety

• Essential oils can help many anxious children relax.  While oils will not completely remove the anxiety from your child’s mind, they can be very effective at lessening the anxious thoughts and feelings.  Must Have Essential Oils for Anxiety

 

• Noise machines or fans can create a calming effect within the bedroom and block out other sounds that may be heard when laying in a quiet bedroom.  These common and harmless sounds can trigger anxiety in children.  Similarly, listening to bedtime stories on an app such as The Calm App, can help block out sounds and create a calmness that helps a child fall asleep.  

 

• Soft bedding or weighted blankets can help create an enjoyable sleeping situation for children.  Some children enjoy the texture supplied by certain blankets. They also enjoy being tucked in tight with these blankets.  Similarly, weighted blankets provide pressure which has been shown to reduce anxiety and increase quality sleep.

 

• A nightlight provides needed light for children with fears of the dark but is not bright enough to disrupt sleep or sleep patterns.  Placing a night light in the hallway or close bathroom can allow enough light into a bedroom but too much to create shadows which are anxiety-inducing for some children.  

Bedtime should be a calm period of the day where parents and children can wind down, enjoy quality time together, and relax.  However, for many kids and parents, it is stressful, chaotic, and full of anxiety.  I hope these ideas offer relief for sleep anxiety in children that may arise at bedtime.  Please share your experiences with us below.