Discovering and Celebrating Your Child’s Strengths

Human minds are wired to notice the “bad” first. Without thinking, the negative moments seem to rise above all of the positives.   This, unfortunately, happens in parenting too frequently. You remember the low grades your child received on their recent math test or the gymnastic class where your child sat on the sidelines rather than participated.  You easily forget the beautiful artwork your child brought home from school and the compliment your child told a complete stranger.  Imagine how much more enjoyable life would be if you could see your child’s strengths first, and the weaknesses second.  

Lea Waters, a professor of positive psychology at the University of Melbourne in Australia, wants parents to shift that instinct of focusing on the negative first. Paying attention to and boosting a child’s strengths, rather than focusing on the negative, she says, can lead them to greater optimism, resiliency, and success.

What are Strengths?

Strengths are anything, big or small, that are advantageous to you as a person.  These can vary greatly within each person. These strengths build confidence as they help you become successful, passionate, and unique.  

Examples of Strengths

Too often, the idea of a child’s strengths is limited to the obvious…math and reading skills, athletic abilities, or musical talent. While academic, athletic, and musical skills are a wonderful skill set to carry with you in life, there are an incredible amount of other skills that are just as important.  Here is a list of strengths, that is incredibly useful and should be celebrated:

Logical thinking

Photographic memory

Appreciates nature

Makes connections easily

Creative ideas

Strong imagination

Enjoyment of reading

Strong vocabulary

Expresses emotions

Empathetic to others

Honest

Sense of humor

Attention to details

Socializes well

Remains true to oneself

Positive attitude

Perseverance

Tries new things

Strong memory

Helps others

Sees things from other’s perspective

Accepting of differences

 

Discovering Your Child’s Strengths

After reviewing the above list, spend a few quiet moments thinking about your child.  Can you find examples from above where you see your child flourishing? For example, my daughter has always chatted with the employees while checking out at stores  Without fail, she finds something nice to say before we walk away…she comments on their hair, clothing, fingernail polish, etc. At first, I was a bit embarrassed by this because I would never have the confidence to simply chat with a stranger on such a personal level.  However, I realized that my daughter brought a smile to a stranger’s face every time she offered a compliment. What an amazing gift she has! While she has incredibly weak math skills, her ability to spread kindness and socialize with strangers will serve her well in life.  

Think about your child in all situations…not just at school (which tends to be where we think of our child’s strengths and weaknesses).  What happens at a park? Does your child approach others and join in with them? Maybe he or she prefers to go off and create with the sticks, leaves, and dirt laying around.  When your child is bored, is he or she able to entertain the family with jokes, storytelling, or a list of unique facts learned recently? Does your child look at family photos and narrate detailed information about what was happening when that picture was taken?  All of these show examples of strengths.

If you are struggling to find your child’s strengths, attempt to offer more activities and opportunities to your child.  Visit art museums, zoos, parks, farms, and orchards. Practice golfing, boating, growing vegetables, or painting. Read books on all different topics.  Eat foods from around the world, attend concerts, a volunteer with charitable organizations. The goal is to expose your child to as many experiences as possible, helping him or her develop keen interests.  While this unfolds, you will see your child’s strengths emerge.

For many children with special needs, their world may be small or they have been put down too often. Depending on their needs, they may have less opportunity in the general education classroom, may be limited in their ability to participate in extracurriculars, or may prefer to spend their time at home with their family.  A child’s inability to participate and enjoy life like their “typical” peers, can negatively affect their self-esteem. With such a small world or a low opinion of self-worth, it can be hard to shine. By exposing them to new experiences and people, you have the ability to help them find their strength, hidden below the blanket of weaknesses.

Celebrating  Your Child’s Strengths

Now that you see your child’s strengths, bring attention to them on a regular basis.  Compliment them on their ability to create a structure with items from nature or their remembrance of small moments shown in family pictures.  When you are bragging about your child on Facebook or to another parent (admit it, we all do it), celebrate your child’s unique strengths by sharing a creative story they told or how they helped a child in the cafeteria.  Make sure that teachers are keenly aware of your child’s strengths as well.

No child is free from weaknesses, and your child is no exception.  The goal is not to get rid of weaknesses, they are a part off each child.  Make sure that your child understands that no person is good at everything.  There are steps that can be taken to improve weak areas, but they will always be there, however, the weaknesses may change over time.  The important part is knowing that strengths are more valuable. Children and parents can celebrate these strengths and help shape a life that shares these strengths with others!  As Dr. Seuss says, there is only one you.

Share your child’s strengths will us below.